I will carry you

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“Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.”
― L.M. Montgomery, The Story Girl

I have a box where I’ve tucked away precious mementos from a little girl I didn’t get to know as much as I wanted to. I carried her for 16 1/2  weeks and was just starting to feel her flutter in my belly when her heart stopped beating. Her name is Karin Lily. That she lived that long was a miracle in itself. I had lost four previous babies through early miscarriages and with Karin, I grew more and more hopeful that she would make it.  But Karin’s little body was not able to carry on and she died. I went through labor and delivery one Sunday morning in June and counted her toes and fingers. We could see that her footprints were already formed! Later we found out she had a rare chromosomal issue (69xxx)  that is fatal and she would never had lived after birth.

Every now and then I pull out the memory box and look at the sweater set and blanket she never used. Sometimes I add some little thing that reminds me of her.  I look at her ultrasound pictures of when she was alive and kicking and it’s bittersweet…I’m thankful for the time I had with her and yet I still miss her.

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4 thoughts on “I will carry you

  1. I know it still hurts, I remember that week end, you kids went threw a bitter time. Glad you have some memories. God has not forgotten, God has blessed you with more children to love. You are a good Mother. Jeff has been so sweet and,so special to you.

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