This Baby

 

This picture is not an announcement. It’s a memento.

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Last June I discovered I was pregnant for the 8th time. I never imagined I would see 8 positive pregnancy tests in my life. We were excited to be welcoming another little one into our family! Maybe this one was a boy? That would be so fun!!!  I’d be due around Valentines Day.

We kept our little one a secret and were waiting till our first Doctor appointment and ultrasound before spreading the good news…but that day didn’t come. Instead I sent a few messages saying “I’ve miscarried…again”. Not the news I wanted to share.

This was the first miscarriage after my live births. I have lost 5 babies and then had 2  live births.  Just when you think you’re past fertility challenges,  it happens again…

I’m not angry or mad at God. I know this loss was not inflicted on me… it just happens. I’m not perfect and that means my body isn’t  functioning perfectly either. Growing babies just isn’t something my body is great at.  It has taken a long time to get to this point. But I am sad that this baby left us too soon, I had lots of dreams already in the making.

Why do I bring this up now? I think I just want to acknowledge that we did have another baby even though we never saw this baby. This baby was wanted and loved. This baby will never have a replacement.

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So this little one may be gone but this baby will not be forgotten…